


Two Twisted Lovers

by EchoShadows



Series: Twisted Lovers [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Abuse, BDSM, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Heartache, Heartbreak, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Prostitution, Sad, Smut, Victorian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-03 18:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20457431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoShadows/pseuds/EchoShadows
Summary: Everything about that demon came back to me. Those familiar blood red eyes burning into my mind once more, now that I stepped foot into the Phantomhive manor. And here I thought it was just a simple interview; but oh no, it was something that changed my life forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Amara Wincheston - age 23, born in London, England. Daughter to Jarold and Elizabeth Wincheston.  
Mrs. Hannah Nesterfield - age 47, born in Liverpool, England. Daughter to Harry and Ophelia Jones. Has two sons.  
Henry Nesterfield - age 25, born in Liverpool, England. Son to Gerry and Hannah Nesterfield.  
John Harridson - age 45, born in Manchester, England. Owner of The Prime Tribune newspaper.  
Georgia White - age 34, born in Paris, France. Co-Worker of Amara Wincheston.  
Daisy Stone - age 20, born in London, England. Co-Worker of Amara Wincheston

It was early, the sun was barely above the horizon and yet here I lay awake. My body fighting the sleep I knew I so desperately needed in order to function properly. Yet nothing I did helped. The glass of warm milk and honey that was now turned cold, and spoiled. Sitting on the nightstand half-empty from my desperate attempts to drink it, in hopes it would help put me to sleep. Yet that didn’t seem to work. Nothing did, and damn did I wish it would. Staying awake I couldn’t unsee the images that burned into my mind. While asleep, the nightmares continued. The bruises on my arms and legs said it all. I was nothing but a toy, a gimmick for a demon’s amusement. Yet a part of me missed that so very much; a part of me missed the demon who caused the bruises to appear in many different places on my body. Many might find me stupid, or pathetic; however, I never saw that. I was merely blinded by his charming ways of getting into my head and blinding me to see the world the way he wanted me to see it.

I was a simple student, preparing for her finals and getting ready to take a big step into the world. Sure, I was attending an all boy’s school under the impression I, too, was a boy—except, I wasn’t. And that’s what drew the man, or demon, to me. He saw I was vulnerable and took advantage of that. He took advantage of my innocence. And now here I was, laying in an old home that belonged to my father who was now dead, due to some mysterious illness he caught. Which lead me to suspect the demon did it, hoping to prevent me from going back home and escaping him. 

“Amara, dear, it’s time to get up,” called Mrs Nesterfield, the old caretaker who took ownership of my childhood home. I moved from my bed, as I stood on the old wooden floor. It creaking as I put, what barely little weight I had on it. “Will you be joining me for breakfast, dear?” She asks through the door that I had shut and locked the previous night. A line of salt on the bottom that wasn’t touched. 

“No, thank you, Mrs Nesterfield,” I called out, as I opened my wardrobe. Ignoring the beautiful dresses the demon had tried to give me in hopes of trying to win me over into becoming his eternal lover—I mean, sex slave. I pulled out my old white and blue dress, along with a fresh set of undergarments. Which were suitable for a normal, middle-class girl such as me. I sighed out once I got dressed, pulling my light brown hair into a braid before slipping on a pair of white flats that matched the dress somewhat nicely.

I moved out of the bedroom, as I collected the things that I needed for work. After I had left my old life with the demon, I became a writer at a local newspaper. I was considered one of the newspaper’s best journalists. Others assume it’s because the owner, Mr John Harridson favoured me. Which, I didn’t see all that much, considering there were many other writers there who were far better than I could ever aspire to be like. “Oh, Amara, you look so beautiful.” Mrs Nesterfield said as her eyes lit up when I made it down the stairs. Stepping into the kitchen to give her a kind goodbye before heading off to work. 

“Thank you, will you be heading to your grandson’s this weekend?” I ask, remembering she had mentioned something about her grandson’s wedding this weekend. Hoping she would be able to make it, knowing how close she was to him. Though, I couldn’t quite remember what his name was. 

“Oh yes, Henry invited you too, but I know you’re busy.” She replied, which was news to me. I wasn’t quite close with her grandson; however, she seemed to like throwing the idea around that he and I should’ve been the ones getting married. Oh, if only she knew how scared I was from being with someone, and how impure I was already. How could anyone love a girl who has been through the torment I have been through? Surely nobody would. 

“Thank you, but I will indeed be busy this weekend. I do hope I get to meet your grandson some other time,” I replied sweetly as I gave her a warm smile. “I must be off, but please be safe on your trip. Is David going to be travelling with you?” I ask, hoping she wasn’t travelling alone. Knowing how dangerous it was for an old woman like her to travel without any accompaniments. 

“Ah, yes he is. He’s bringing his wife, Justine, as well.” She informed before glancing at me with a smile, “please be safe, I know you worry a lot about what might happen to you.” She added with concern clouding her voice. After I had escaped from the demon, I hadn’t thought anyone would still be living in my old home. However, after I had returned, Mrs Nesterfield was so kind and caring, she took care of me and made sure my mental state was healthy and normal. 

It almost felt like a dream, as if I was going to wake up and be in that dark room with the demon staring at me, almost as if I had done something wrong. Yet, I never did wake up. I felt like I was in heaven. Sometimes I often wondered if the demon ended up killing me; however, I knew that was far from the truth. Because I wouldn’t still have all the bruises and scars from his torment. “Thank you, I’m sure I’ll be fine. The newspaper inc isn’t far from here, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I said reassuringly before turning to leave. 

The walk to the newspaper inc wasn’t too far away. “The Prime Tribune” was what its name was. Such a cliche name it was; however, I couldn’t complain. It was a paying job, a more well-deserving paying job. I didn’t deserve the pay I received, yet I still couldn’t complain about that, either. Knowing it was what was getting me by in this cruel world. I stepped into the building, as I silently greeted the front desk lady with a smile before heading upstairs to my small desk that was in the corner along with the other section of writers. Some were writers for the daily writers, daily comics, and other sections that didn’t involve my input. 

“Good morning, Amara,” the familiar voice of my co-worker, Georgia, greeted. She often worked at the desk down the hall with the editors; however, she was one of the first people who talked to me and treated me like a human being. Never questioning the bruises on my skin that showed whenever I dared to wear short sleeves. She was a sweet woman who never complained about anything, even when our boss was being incredibly unreasonable. 

“Good morning, Georgia,” I greeted as I glanced up from my desk. “Any daunting tasks that Mr Harridson gave you today?” I ask with genuine curiosity, knowing she most likely was given some outrageous story to edit. Knowing she would be forced to change whatever details were true, and make them more dramatic. I often wondered how the newspaper was able to get away with things like that; however, I guess it was only because people were too blind to see that the truth isn't always what people thought it would be like. 

“Luckily, not yet. But apparently, he’s supposed to be taking a vacation soon, so that means a whole two weeks without him to boss us around.” Georgia replied as enthusiasm filled the tone of her voice. “That is unless he gets Katherine to fill in, which means we won’t be seeing the light of day at all those two weeks.” She added, which reminded me vividly of the owner’s daughter who gets free range of everything when he isn’t here. And I’m not exaggerating when I claim that nobody likes her. Nobody likes Katherine Harridson, the most stuck up person one would ever meet. 

“So that means he’s not taking his whole family?” I asked raising an eyebrow, trying to pull myself away from the image of her taking full reign of the newspaper. Which meant horrible stories that nobody would ever read, and news articles that would be far from the truth. 

“If she remains, then it appears it would just be him and the Mrs,” She answered with uncertainty. But I could see it in her face that she was hoping they both would be gone. And when both were gone, actual decent articles would be produced. Stories people wanted to read, and nothing would be changed. And somehow, nobody would ever find out which was the good part about that. 

“I should get back to work, I’ll leave you to your assignments,” Georgia said with a kind smile. “Perhaps we can have lunch together,” she said before walking to the other side of the building to the editor section. I let out a small sigh as I pulled the pile of folders in front of me as I sat neatly on the chair. 

“Amara, Mr Harridson wishes to speak with you,” Daisy, another coworker of mine who worked closely with the owner and his daughter, spoke so suddenly. Her appearance nearly startling me. Yet her appearance also concerned me, it wasn’t usual that I would be summoned up to the boss’ office. 

“Of course, thank you, Daisy,” I replied as I stood up from my chair. Trying to calm all the nerves that were scattered about inside me. Making my way up to the third floor, which mostly consisted of offices for those who were higher up in terms of the newspaper. Mostly the owner, head of editing, et cetera. And here I stood outside the owner’s office. Preparing myself for whatever the hell was waiting for me. The last time I’ve done anything like this, I ended up being blackmailed,  ** _ AGAINST MY OWN FREE WILL!  _ ** I cringed at the thought, shaking my head as I tried to distract myself to the best of my abilities. Taking in a heavy breath, as I raised my hand to knock on the door. When I heard the harsh sound of Mr Harridson’s voice, I shakingly stepped inside. 

“You wanted to see me, sir?” I ask as I tried to hide the terrified tone that underlies my voice. If you even looked close enough, you’d be able to see how badly I was shaking. 

"Yes, you’ve been assigned a very important task.” He informed his voice stern and strict as ever. My heart sinking inside of my chest, knowing this could only mean one thing. It wasn’t often anyone was assigned important tasks, but when they were, they were sent to either interview a noble or scope out a coming-out party. 

“What might that task be?” I asked cautiously, as I tried to figure out what I could be sent off to do. I was never one for social events, in fact, I detested them. Knowing I would have to find something to wear, and often I would have to force myself into old dresses I refused to wear. Only because they were the only suitable things I owned besides my boorish clothing that was made for a middle-class girl. 

“I want you to visit the Earl of Phantomhive, I have already scheduled an interview and I want you to be the one to go.” Mr Harridson explained, and of course, my heart sank even more. I tried to keep myself from fainting, which was growing rather difficult. 

“Of course, when am I expected to leave?” I ask, not wanting to pester him with any more questions. As if I’ve annoyed him enough, and he probably signed me up for this knowing I would fail, and would easily fire me. Not that I would blame him, of course. I wasn’t the best writer the newspaper had; along with the fact, I tended to bend the rules as well. 

“You will be leaving tomorrow morning since the Earl lives on the outskirts of London.” He explained, “You are dismissed for today. Gather everything you need, this will be the biggest interview yet.” He added as he made a dismissed signal with his hand, which I immediately left after. Once I exited the office, I felt like my whole world had slowed down extremely. Something about this didn’t sit right with me; however, I knew I had to take the opportunity. Perhaps I would get lucky, and not have to return at all. Maybe I should opt-out and get myself fired, but then that won’t look good on other job applications. As if my expulsion from Weston College wasn’t enough to prevent me from earning a decent job. Seriously, how did I even end up hired here? I’m certain there are others more highly qualified than me. I suppose I should start preparing for a long journey ahead of me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amara Wincheston - age 23, born in London, England. Daughter to Jarold and Elizabeth Wincheston.   
Joseph Davidson - age 28, born in Liverpool, England.

I paced back and forth, I had everything I needed packed tightly into a somewhat neat leather briefcase type bag that went over my shoulder. I didn’t even know what the hell one calls these things. However, I suppose that’s how I knew I was unfit for this task. Damn, did I feel like the ground would swallow me whole and I would be perfectly content with it. Perhaps that was a better idea, then I wouldn’t be stressing out about this any longer. Oh, but that wouldn’t make it any better. Someone else would be given the task, and I’m sure as hell they’d be given a much harder time with higher expectations.   
I let out a sigh, wishing Mrs Nesterfield was here; however, apparently, she had to leave a little earlier than expected, since weather conditions were unpredictable. Haha, sounds just about my luck. Unpredictable weather conditions, and here I was awaiting a carriage that would lead me to my doom—I mean, to an interview with a powerful Earl. I knew the Phantomhives, I used to admire their toy company, Funtom. I always thought their productions were amazing, and the stuffed toys they’d have on display were even more beautiful. I always had my eyes set on a bunny that had red eyes. It was an exclusive one they only had for a short period of time. It was a royal shame that I never got my hands on it, though.

  
I heard the carriage pull up outside. Taking one last look in the mirror as I made sure I looked professional, yet presentable. I could feel my heart beating rather fast, almost too fast. I took one last deep breath, before stepping outside of the house. Locking the door behind me, before descending down the path. “Good morning, Ms Wincheston, I’m Joseph. I’ll be accompanying you on your trip to the Phantomhive manor.” The short man introduced himself kindly, his green eyes coordinating with his ginger red hair that captured his presence beautifully.   
“Oh, did Mr Harridson request you?” I ask kindly, as I wasn’t expecting any accompaniments this trip. Perhaps it would help me to get out of this whole ordeal sooner?   
“Yes he did, he wished you a safe voyage. But please don’t feel my presence will rush you.” He said reassuringly, his accent hinting that he was from where in Ireland.   
“Thank you, that is rather kind of you to accompany me,” I said with a small smile before getting into the carriage.   
The long ride there was exhausting, and I wasn’t even entirely sure if I was going to have the energy to do this interview. And a big part of me hoped that the Earl of Phantomhive didn’t forget about the interview. How embarrassing would it be if I showed up and either it was cancelled last minute, or this was all forgotten about? When I glanced out the window after what felt like nearly three hours, I could see a large manor appearing in the distance. My eyes widened and gazed at it in shock. It was so beautiful, its stone architecture giving it almost a castle-like vibe to it. Oh, how much I’d pay to explore every inch of it. If only I’d ever been so lucky as to get that opportunity.

  
The carriage finally came to a stop, pulling me away from the window. I glance at Joseph for reassurance this was the right place. “We will be outside waiting, but take your time. The Earl of Phantomhive probably has so many secrets you could get ahold of.” He commented, almost as if he was hinting at something.   
“The Phantomhive family has been around for so long, I’m sure there’s information that not even the current Earl knows. From what I recall, his past isn’t entirely rainbows and candy covered clouds.” I said before forcing a small laugh back. I carefully stepped out of the carriage with some assistance that wasn’t much needed, however, I didn’t want to be rude and refuse it. I let out a sigh as I double-checked to make sure everything was still in my bag before proceeding up the long walkway up to the front of the manor.   
The size of the Phantomhive manor was intimidating, I felt so small compared to it. My curiosity peaks wondering how many hidden rooms there are inside its walls. Knowing there surely had to be hundreds upon hundreds. No family with such rich history would have all their secrets displayed. Then again, perhaps that’s what makes the Phantomhives so special. There’s something that draws people to them. I pulled myself out of my thoughts, as I approached the front door. I raised my hand as I knocked firmly, praying that the Earl wasn’t rude or ignorant. Although, knowing what I knew about the Phantomhives, they pride themselves in fine hospitality. I silently prayed to whatever deity out there that this was true, and not some fairytale.   
The door opened momentarily, “Forgive us, but my young lord isn’t receiving visitors at this moment.” That voice… why was it so familiar? When I glanced up, my eyes widened. No.. surely he wouldn’t still be around, and why would he be playing the role of a butler!?

  
“I-I’m sorry, I’m here from The Prime Tribune, I was scheduled to interview the Earl of Phantomhive-” I stuttered out, my face surely reddened by now as I didn’t know how to react in a situation like this. Every bit of me was telling me to run, and forget about the interview. However, there was that part of me that wanted to see if he even recognised me. Not that he even would, I’ve changed so much since then. But there was that small bit of hope he would.   
Oh, but what am I even saying!? There’s no way I’d ever hope to have any reunion with him. He basically ruined every bit of my life!   
“Oh, you must be Ms Wincheston, please do forgive me. Please do follow me,” The butler spoke with such elegance. Surely that means he doesn’t recognise me? Oh, but wouldn’t he recognise my last name? Perhaps it’s been that long; although, it has only been a year since I managed to escape. “May I take your coat?” He offers which caused me to stiffen uncomfortably. I had forgotten I had decided to wear short sleeves. Why the hell did I decide on that!?   
“Oh, no, please I couldn’t ask you to do that,” I said, trying to hide the worry in my voice that was trying to overtake everything inside of me.   
“Are you certain, I don’t wish for our guest to be uncomfortably warm.” He stated so kindly, almost as if he was trying to reassure I would be safe here. As if I would ever be safe under the same roof as the demon who caused me mental and physical scars!

  
“Yes, I am certain,” I said firmly, trying not to overreact. Knowing damn well I would if I didn’t control my temper.   
“Very well, please do follow me.” He says once he closed the front door, leading me up the grand staircase that parted to the right and left at the top. My eyes widening in awe at how beautiful the interior was. “I do hope your journey was a safe one,” his attempts at making small talk was making this whole thing even worse. Of course, nobody could have ever warned me about this. It wasn’t like there was some psychic who could see that I would end up in the same space as my tormentor once again.   
“It was, the views are beautiful this far out from London,” I commented quietly, as I kept my gaze down. Following his footsteps carefully as to not run into him accidentally. The way he carried himself was just like how I remember. He carried himself with grace and elegance. Almost as if he was floating on air.   
“I see, you’ve never been this far out of London, I assume?” He asks with a tone of curiosity. Leaving me uncertain whether it was genuine or not.   
“I used to travel outside of London when I was younger, I had relatives who lived in the countryside,” I commented as I tried not to sound so worried and uncomfortable. That part of me that wanted a reunion with him was speaking to me again. Wanting me to take advantage of this. However, the other part of me still kept its walls high up. Unwilling to breakthrough.

  
“I take it you no longer travel, then?” He presses the conversation on further, which seemed to make me a bit more uneasy.   
“No, with work taking over my life, I hardly travel anymore,” I replied, which was mostly the truth. However, after I had escaped, I rarely travelled anywhere. Afraid I would get caught and be locked away again. Before he got a chance to reply, we had approached a large set of dark wooden doors. Assuming it was the Earl Phantomhive’s office.   
“Young master, Ms Wincheston from The Prime Tribune has arrived.” He announced after knocking on the doors. Assuming it was appropriate protocols for the role of a butler. Of course, I wouldn’t know and like I even cared to know.   
“Send her in,” a voice from the other side called out. And that’s when the nerves struck me once more.


	3. Chapter 3

“Ms Wincheston, what a pleasure it is to meet you, I am Ciel Phantomhive head of the Phantomhive household.” His presence made me a bit relieved, yet intimidating. He was shorter than I had expected, yet he appeared to be a few years younger than me. Shame he got stuck with the short genes, seems like something we could relate with together. 

“Lord Phantomhive, what an honour it is to meet you,” I said despite the nerves inside of me making it feel like it was difficult to speak. “I hope this interview didn’t come as a disturbance.” I briefly stated as I tried to appear formal and graceful. 

“I’m an acquaintance of Mr Harridson, please have a seat,” he spoke gesturing to a chair that was placed in front of his desk as he sat up straight. “I’m sure you travelled a long way, Sebastian bring us some refreshments.” He glanced at the butler, who now seemed to be watching me with some odd intent. 

“Of course, anything else you require?” Sebastian replied. His tone remaining steady and respectful, a tone I wasn’t so used to. Yet I couldn’t let that show that I had prior engagements with the butler; no one should know the dark history between us. Hell, I wouldn’t even want to know the dark history that went on between us. 

“No, that will be all.” Lord Phantomhive said in a dismissive tone, before turning his attention towards me. “So, Ms Wincheston, you have been called here on behalf of The Prime Tribune for an exclusive interview. I take it you’re used to this sort of thing, yes?” 

“Not really, I have interviewed countless citizens of London, and even travelled as far as Liverpool,” I began as I tried not to sound disrespectful or nervous. Yet that surely was failing me now, yet I somehow still sounded confident. “Yet I’ve never had the opportunity to interview an earl,” I finished right as my face started to turn red. 

“I see, well I will try my best to try and answer all the questions you have prepared.” Lord Phantomhive said, an off-putting smile appearing on his face. Which I barely managed to brush off as I took in a deep breath, pulling out a bunch of neatly stacked papers and freshly sharpened pencils. I glanced down at all the notes I had written, countless random notes and reminders on information about the Phantomhive family. Dating far back to the very first Earl of the Phantomhive household. 

“Recently you have hosted a grand ball that was a massive success; the readers would like to know how you manage to have such grand parties, along with when the next one will be?” Wow, what a wordy question there, Amara. I mentally cringed, realising how much of a mouthful that question was. 

“My fiancee, Lady Elizabeth, is the one who decides the parties. The credit goes to her since I don’t really care for grand parties.” Lord Phantomhive replied, which made me quite surprised. Though, I have heard of the Midford family. Though, I honestly don’t really know them all that well. Besides the fact the daughter, Elizabeth Midford, an outrageous girl who is seen as an improper young lady. Which was something I could relate to on a much, much bigger scale.

“I see, so you are not the mastermind behind the grand events?” I asked curiously, after writing down a summary of his previous answer. “It is rather surprising a lady gets to choose how grand these events are,” I added, before realising how rude that sounded. 

“Most of the time, no. However, we Phantomhives do take pride in our events so, perhaps that’s why no one ever paid attention to who the mastermind was.” He answered so confidently. It was surprising how he was so mature. Knowing his terrible past, at least from what the public knows, I was shocked he managed to become such a noble earl. “Tell me, have you ever been to a grand ball?” 

“Oh, no, I’m not keen on large social events,” I replied, taken by surprise by his question. Unsure as to why he would be asking something like that to me. I was a simple girl, I was barely even close to being a noble. Let alone a lady of high respect. “I prefer to be alone, reading my cheesy romance novels and writing poetry,” I added before letting out an embarrassed laugh. 

“I see, well I am hosting a Halloween ball this coming week. I will send you an invitation, I’m sure Mr Harridson would appreciate an extension on the interview.” Lord Phantomhive spoke, which took me by surprise. 

“I wouldn’t fit in, I’m barely a proper lady as it is,” I replied, not entirely rejecting his offer. However, I didn’t want to attend a ball full of highly respected nobles, and possibly royalty. I wasn’t raised to be a proper lady, I barely can dance by myself. How am I to be expected to dance with a partner? As if anyone would dance with a wretched girl like me. 

“It would be my honour to have you as our special guest. However, I will give you some time to think it over.” He replied with a reassuring smile that I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not. 

“The Prime Tribune would like to know how you manage your success. Knowing you had to take on such an important role at such a young age,” I began with the next question. Quite curious about his answer to this one. Wondering if there was any more information the public hadn’t got ahold of. 

“Just like any other noble, I was born into it. It all came naturally.” His answer was shorter than I had expected. Then again, what could I have expected from a noble who was so private about everything? Everyone knew that the Phantomhives kept quiet about literally everything that goes on inside these walls. And to even be sitting inside the infamous Phantomhive manor was a complete honour. Perhaps I shouldn’t turn down the opportunity to attend a ball. Maybe I’d get lucky? No, no, that surely wouldn’t happen to a girl like me. Again, nothing special to anyone other than myself and my family. 

“Young Master, you have received a letter from the queen,” Sebastian spoke as he suddenly appeared in the room. 

“See Ms Wincheston out,” Lord Phantomhive said before glancing at me with a frown. “Forgive me for cutting this short, but I have important business that needs attending to.” He added with an apologetic tone to his voice. 

“Is everything alright?” I ask as concern filled my voice, not wanting to intrude on any private business ordeals. 

“Yes, everything is fine, I’ll be sure to let Mr Harridson know about your invitation, as well as a further extension.” He replied as he seemed to urge me out faster. 

I stood up as I silently bid my goodbye, following Sebastian out of the study. Not making any further conversation as we walked down the hallway that was familiar to me. Knowing it leads to the main hall and grand staircase. “You’ve changed quite a bit since the last time I saw you,” Sebastian said, breaking the awkward silence between us. Causing me to glance up as I noticed he came to a stop. His gaze fully focused on me. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met before.” I lied, trying to play it off as if I hadn’t recognised him. Not wanting to get entangled with him once again. Knowing what would happen if I did, and I wasn’t willing to take that giant risk. 

“Ms Wincheston, surely I haven’t changed that much?” He sounded as if he was hurt yet I could tell he was trying to mask it. And damn how I wish I couldn’t read his emotions so easily, yet of course, when you’re locked away and forced to spend every waking moment with him, you learn these things easily. 

“Besides the uniform and hairstyle, I’d say you’re pretty much the same.” I barked as I scowled at him. Not particularly in the mood for his games. My interview got interrupted, surely by his own personal doing and… oh yeah,  ** _ NOW I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHY I DON’T HAVE AN INTERVIEW!  _ **

Sebastian continued walking as he was silent once again. Which honestly made it so much easier for me to scowl in silence. Returning down the staircase and near the front entrance, as he opened the door wide enough for me to exit. “Please consider accepting my young lord’s invitation, it would be a pleasure to have you as our guest.” He said without glancing at me directly. Which was a bit odd; however, I played it off as him faking his emotions yet again. I rolled my eyes at him as I forced a smile. 

“I might think about it, but don’t count on me being there,” I replied before stepping out of the manor. Walking down the long pathway before reaching the carriage. “I’d like to leave now, please,” I said before shoving myself into the carriage. Sitting as close to the window as possible. Not wanting to look at the manor anymore, as all the horrid memories started to flood back to me violently. 


	4. Chapter 4

The long, and dreadful ride back home was silent. Awkwardly and deadly silent. I tried to force myself to sleep the rest of the way home; however, my mind was trying to force all the memories I had repressed for so long, back into my mind. I could tell that Joseph wanted to give me space since he mostly kept to himself the majority of the way home. Yet once we arrived in front of my home, I could tell he was trying to keep himself from asking what happened that made me so quiet and shut off.   
  
“Please be safe, Ms Wincheston,” Joseph said as we departed ways once he walked me up to the front of my home. I bid him goodbye as I walked inside, shutting the door behind me quickly.   
This was one of the few times I wished I had someone to talk to, and of course, Mrs. Nesterfield was away, leaving me inside of an old home by myself. With a possible chance of being kidnapped by that same demon. Of course I could always line each entrance and window to the house with salt; however, that hardly seemed to work before. And it wouldn’t keep the thoughts from taking control once again. The extremely vivid images that plagued my head from before I left. Sometimes my mind would even go as far as to conjure up new visions. As if they were premonitions of the future. Of course, I didn’t believe it in the slightest, yet it almost got to the point where I couldn’t decipher reality from fiction. And that was the worst part of it.  
  
I stumbled into the kitchen, exhaustion filling my whole body as I clumsily took off my jacket. Sitting on the old wooden chair that sat in the middle of the kitchen with a small dining table in the centre as well. Pulling off my black boots that were hurting my feet so terribly. Nearly ripping my light brown hair out of its updo that barely succeeded in keeping my hair out of my face. I dragged myself upstairs and into my bedroom as I threw myself onto the bed. All the tears and sobs I was holding in finally broke free. I hugged onto the pillow beneath me tightly as I let out all the emotions I was holding captive.   
  
And for the first time in almost a year, I was crying again. Over the same man, demon, whatever the fuck you wanted to call him or it. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to avoid him forever; however, there was that bit of hope that I would.   
I pulled myself up from the bed, as I made my way back downstairs. I slipped on my black boots as I prepared to head outside. For the first time in a year, I would be going to the old pagoda shrine that sat in the middle of the woods. It always made me wonder why the hell there would be an old ancient Chinese structure out in the middle of the woods; especially all the way on the other side of London. Then again, perhaps it was put there as a gimmick. Perhaps it wasn’t even there anymore. Who knew what was real and what wasn’t real anymore.  
  
After I had slipped on my jacket from earlier, I slipped out of the house. Preparing to make my long journey towards it. Following the path that led through the woods behind my house. Which was another thing that shocked me; why was there a path leading to it behind my home? Wouldn’t I have known it was there prior? Or perhaps it was hidden by some powerful spell that made it unknown to outsiders. Whatever the reason might have been to make a path so close to me would forever remain unknown. And what would forever remain unknown is what made me want to walk all the way there, which was a three-hour walk in good weather conditions.   
  
And despite the weather still surprisingly warm for London, it was growing cloudy. Which indicated that there would be rain in the forecast sometime soon. Hoping it would pass over, and wouldn’t leave me stranded. The last thing I wanted was to be stranded in a place I connected with bad memories for too long. However, maybe this was a good thing. Perhaps I would finally find the closure that my heart or mind, or whatever had been craving for. Or maybe I would make amends with the demon and we’d finally go our separate ways for once and for all.  
  
When I glanced up ahead, I could see the tall shrine sticking out. And much to my surprise, it was all well lit up. Much like how I remembered it to look late at night. It must have past the three-hour mark since the sky was darker than it was when I left. However, what made me confused was why the lights would be lit up. Maybe this wasn’t just a hidden shrine in the middle of nowhere, perhaps this was a tourist attraction? I shook my head as I pressed my feet on forward. I had to find out what the source of lighting was, and who was behind it. The curiosity was growing stronger inside of me.   
  
When I made it up the tall staircase that led up the mountain, I noticed there was no one in sight. Which was odd, of course. Why would everything be lit up if there was no one here? Did they leave so soon, but if that was the case why would they leave all the candles lit? Wouldn’t that cause a fire hazard? Letting out a sigh, I stepped inside the main floor. Noticing everything looked the same and not a speck of dust in sight. I noticed everything looked the same as if nothing had been moved or taken. Perhaps someone has been taking care of it? That would make sense, given the beauty of it. But who exactly would take upon such a task like that? This place was massive!   
  
Yet when I glanced at the dining table, I noticed there was a half-empty teacup of what smelled like Earl Grey tea. Silently hoping I hadn’t disturbed whoever was here previously. I let out a sigh as I moved up the staircase that leads to the second floor, which only consisted of a bedroom. And just like the ground floor, it was still the same. Curiosity got the better of me as I moved towards the grand wardrobe that sat in one corner of the room. I carefully opened it and found all the beautiful silken traditional Chinese clothing that I had left behind. It was considered appropriate given the theme of the location; however, I felt odd wearing articles from another culture that wasn’t my own. Although, I did regret not taking them as I could’ve sold them and used the money to help get me by. But maybe I didn’t for a good reason, maybe deep down I knew I would end up returning. Even if it meant returning empty or cold-hearted.   
  
My attention was turned away, however. As I heard shuffling coming from downstairs that caught my full attention. I kept myself quiet as I made my way to the third floor. Hoping to hide up there, knowing it wasn’t often the third floor was used. Considering it was smaller than the rest of the shrine. It only had a chest full of rare artefacts like an angel blade, which is supposedly used by an angel. How I managed to get it made me cringe, remembering what I had to suffer through afterwards. My attention was pulled away again as I heard more shuffling from the ground floor. However, a light seemed to illuminate from outside in the distance. Which made the sounds stop. I took that as my queue to leave, carefully climbing down the ladder that went up to the third floor.   
  
But when I glanced at the bed that rested in the dead centre on one end of the shrine, everything had suddenly stopped. When the good memories flooded back to me, I had realised maybe there were a few good things. Even though I knew that there was no way that the demon known as Sebastian, would ever change. That he would always be cruel and heartless; as that was how all demons were. However, deep down I wondered if maybe, just maybe that wasn’t entirely true at all. From what I remembered when doing research on demons, some of them were once humans who made a deal with a demon that changed them into one as well. And after I had left, a few months after I began to wonder if maybe that’s what happened to him.   
  
Of course, I didn’t want to believe such, so my mind started to repress everything but the bad memories. Yet now that I returned, and now that I found myself laying on this old wooden bed, with the silky red sheets that covered the plush mattress beneath—I began to rethink that theory. And now a part of me wishes that I could reunite with him again. Despite knowing the horrible risks that might come from it. Even if the risks killed me, would it really be all that bad to see him again? Even if the answers I get are all lies?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There comes a time when we must learn to forgive those who have harmed us. Then there are times when we must learn to forget those who have harmed us. Whichever lesson we must learn, it will never be easy to decipher which is the one we must choose to take action with.

_ Trees passed by me as I ran down the old dirt road. I was running from something, yet I had little idea as to what it was I was running from. It wasn’t the usual red eyes, but they were yellow eyes, with hints of green. The voice that cackled out was deafening and startling. Somebody, please wake me from this nightmare! _

My eyes shot open, and I was startled to realise I was in the shrine. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. Not realising I had fallen asleep. ‘What was that dream?’ I asked myself shaking my head trying to forget the image of it. However, when I tried to move, I was held down. When I tried to find the source of what was holding me down, I screamed loudly. It was that demon, Sebastian, who was holding onto me with such intense force. 

“What the bloody hell are you doing?!” I shouted loudly, as I forced my way out of his grasp. 

“You always were so adorable when you slept,” he spoke up as that usual playful smirk appeared on his face. “Forgive me, I simply couldn’t help myself.” He quickly apologised as he noticed how uneasy I was, and extremely uncomfortable and angry! 

“What the hell gives you the right to touch me?!” I shouted once more, feeling myself go into defensive attack mode. 

“Forgive me, it wasn’t my intention to offend you,” he spoke and his tone was… apologetic still? Since when the fuck was he apologetic? “I see you’re quite startled.” He pointed out, and immediately I wanted to slap him right then and there. 

“Of course I am, since when the fuck did I ever give you permission to touch me?” I knew I was growing angrier the more I spoke and the longer I stayed in the same space as him. Yet when I spoke, I caught a glimpse of regret or sadness in his face. Ha, as if those were even emotions he could feel. 

“Again, forgive me, but it is unlike me to find a human adorable,” Sebastian replied, and his response was a bit shocking, to say the least. “how much you’ve changed since I last saw you.” He added shortly after as he moved to stand. I noticed how he kept his distance, which was rather unusual. Especially for him, considering his past. 

“Last time you saw me, I was upset and angry at you.” I reminded, as my eyes narrowed at him angrily. Honestly, I wasn’t in the mood for this. I had no issue talking to him; however, him touching me without even asking was what crossed a major line for me. 

“And you have every right to be,” he began. And once again his response caught me off guard. What on earth was he trying to do or imply? 

“What do you mean?” I ask as I raised an eyebrow. My face softening a bit yet I was still sending death glares at him every time he would move in the room. 

“I was horrible to you, Ms Wincheston. You have every right to be angry with me.” He answered, and deep down I could feel a sense of truthfulness to his words. Yet the part of me that was still traumatized was still in attack mode.

“I suppose I should say you’ve changed as well,” I comment, knowing he wasn’t at all like this. Which was both intriguing and confusing? Perhaps with a bit of concern thrown in there for good balance. 

“Indeed I have, it is unlike us demons to realise such things.” He says, and that’s when I caught a glimpse of a frown appearing on his face. The way his eyebrows furrowed in that sad way. Which caused me to soften up a little bit more. Taking a small step towards him, but kept my distance. Not willing to take an even bigger risk. 

“What do you mean, Sebastian?” I asked softly, as now I wanted to hear his side of things. For once not listening to the side of me that wanted to attack with anything I could find. 

“Us demons aren’t supposed to feel emotions, yet when I saw you asleep here, I couldn’t help but feel the need to comfort you,” He admitted, and now I could feel his words were genuine. “I could feel that you were hurting, and I suppose I acted without thinking.” He continued to speak, as his voice was softer than I had ever heard it.

“Why were you even here? Don’t you have an earl to look after?” I ask while I was still not entirely buying his story. However, I didn’t want to seem defensive anymore. A part of me wanting to understand where he was coming from. I knew this man, yet he was acting far different than I had ever witnessed from him. 

“I often visited in hopes you would return,” he began to speak. His voice even softer, as he now couldn’t even look at me. “After you had left, for the first time in centuries, I felt a feeling of regret.” He continued to speak, and the more he spoke I could see he was being genuine. 

“Wait, you mentioned centuries, what do you mean by that?” I asked softly as I stepped even closer towards him. Yet he remained silent, like I had left him speechless, or that he had nothing else to say. Which was unusual for him. He always had something to say, he always came off as the type to try and get the last word in. “Sebastian, you can tell me,” I said softly, as I was now in breathing distance from him. 

“For once in my life, I had begun to miss the presence of a human,” he said ever so quietly. Almost like he hadn’t intended on me hearing it. “I am a failure as a demon.” He added, and the way he said that made my heartbreak. 

“You were once human, weren’t you?” I asked softly as I glanced at him. “That’s why you can portray emotions, and feel them as well,” I added briefly, and I could feel that everything was falling into place. 

“Yes, it had been centuries since I’ve felt any source of emotions. Especially sorrow.” He replied as his voice got a bit more normal as it wasn’t so soft anymore. However, I could tell he was holding something back; although, I didn’t press for it. I wanted to know if this was a step in reconnecting or if this would just be the end of it.

There was a long moment of silence as we both stood inches away from each other. Knowing we both were unsure of what we should be doing. “My master invited you to the Halloween ball this week, we both are still hoping you will attend as our special guest,” Sebastian spoke, breaking the silence as he closed the gap between us. His arms enclosing around me, which startled me greatly. It wasn’t like him at all to be like this. Showing a loving embrace? That wasn’t him, and neither was admitting his feelings. “I know what I have done hasn’t left you, and I don’t expect it to ever leave you.” 

“Sebastian, this is all a big shock for me,” I stated, the tone of my voice showing I was obviously startled. Not even entirely sure if I wanted to allow him to hold me so close to him. 

“I understand, my lady. Please do think the offer over and-” his speech was cut off by a loud thunder in the air, as lightning could be seen from inside the shrine. “Ah, it seems we both have been trapped here by a storm.” He commented as he pulled away from me. 

“Shit, and I have work early tomorrow, too.” I groaned as I moved towards the bed. Allowing myself to fall onto it face down. “Just my luck,” I said muffled into the pillow. 

“Ah yes, my young master sends his apologies for cutting it short. He has informed Mr Harridson about that as well.” Sebastian spoke up as I could hear him move about the room. Knowing he was avoiding being too close to me. 

“I can always make up for it with the Halloween ball, and include details about that,” I commented, as I moved onto my back before sitting up lightly. “Hopefully this storm passes by, I can’t afford to miss tomorrow,” I complained with another annoyed groan. 

“Well, I do know one thing that could easily pass the time~” And there it was. There was the old Sebastian I knew oh so well. Always finding a way to worm his way in between my legs. 

“As amazing as that sounds, I still am wanting to rip your head off. Too bad I don’t have that opportunity, do I?” I said glaring at him sharply as I took in a deep breath trying to calm myself. 

“And there’s that sharp tongue of yours, surely I will have to work on that.” 

“And surely you will not, I am not your property anymore, you know,” I replied sharply with annoyance filling my voice.

“Of course, I do respect that. Although, it rather is a shame you won’t let me warm your bedside~” 

“Do you want your head chopped off?” I replied, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“No, please forgive me. I will refrain from making any further advances until you call upon me, Ms Wincheston.” He answered seemingly stiffer than usual. “I will be downstairs if you shall require my assistance with anything, goodnight, my lady.” He said sweetly before he made his way downstairs. Leaving me alone once more, and to my thoughts that were scrambling all over the place. Most of which were, ‘why did you turn him down?’ and ‘you should rip his head off, he deserves it.’ Yet I couldn’t find myself wanting to harm him in any way. Regardless of whether he deserved it or not. It surely wouldn’t be a bad thing to see this through, would it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I was just a simple girl, wanting to fit in with the world. Yet all that was ripped away, and now I must choose what my future holds." - Anonymous


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not supposed to be here, I left you for a reason. You should respect that, Srivaq." - Anonymous

_ Darkness. Nothing but an empty void filled my vision as I stood still in the dead centre of it. The darkness was eerily silent, and it was like I was all alone with nobody left in the world. Yet I didn’t feel frightened, I felt at peace. If only I could feel this way forever… _

I opened my eyes as I was woken up by a sound coming from downstairs. I noticed I wasn’t in my bedroom, which caused me to jolt up. But then I quickly remembered where I was, letting out a sigh of relief when I realised I was only in the shrine. “Ah, I see you are awake,” I heard Sebastian speak as his presence became fully aware to me. “It’s a shame I cannot stay, but I must return to my master.” He said with regret underlining his words. 

“It’s fine, I have work soon, anyway,” I replied as I moved to stand up from the bed. Noticing I was dressed in a knee-length nightgown. ‘That’s odd, I don’t remember changing into that?’ I thought to myself before moving to the wardrobe. “Hopefully the weather cleared up,” I commented with a small chuckle. 

“It is rather cloudy; however, I don’t believe it will be a nuisance for a long walk back to your home,” He replied as I could hear him stepping towards me lightly. “I would offer to walk you home, but unfortunately duty calls.” 

“Did you undress me last night?” I asked suddenly, as I pulled out one of the more casual hanfu dresses I had left behind. Sighing as I wished there was something more fitting for work, knowing I would stick out like a sore thumb wearing something like this.

“I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but I assure you I did nothing more.” He answered with a bit of reassurance in his voice. ‘Of course, he wouldn’t try anything, you threatened to rip his head off!’ That voice inside my head nearly shouted. Causing me to cringe slightly as I turned to glance at him. 

“I don’t remember that, but then again I’m sure I passed out from the long walk here,” I said with a small chuckle, before laying the hanfu out on the bed. Along with fresh undergarments I hadn’t expected to still be here. 

“I shall leave you to undress,” Sebastian spoke as he dismissed himself before descending down the staircase. Leaving me alone to my thoughts, once again knowing that I would need to talk things through with him. I have the opportunity, so why can’t I bring myself to take that opportunity? 

After I dressed into a fresh set of undergarments, and the hanfu, with its main colour being white with gold fading in the skirt and sleeves. I fixed my hair as neatly as I could with the limitations of not having a hairbrush, as I kept it loose; its medium length brushing against my shoulders. I made my way downstairs to see Sebastian wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Assuming he had left already, as I slipped on my shoes from yesterday. Preparing to make the long journey back home, already accepting the fact that I would be late to work. However, it was only Sunday, and it was over time that I was indulging in. So, for all I know, nobody would even care to notice my absence. 

The air was colder than usual during the warm season, though I tossed it up to the fact that it had stormed last night. And I could see the fog in the distance sitting just beneath the trees close to the ground. Something about the view gave me an eerie feeling, yet I paid no mind to it. Forcing my feet to move forward as I made my way towards the exit of the forest that leads to my home. Watching the early morning risers make their way down the dirt road that cut in front of my home. I didn’t bother to make a stop to grab anything, as I knew I would have everything at the newspaper. And I knew that it would just delay me even further if I had stalled to pick up anything that was deemed unnecessary. 

I continued my way until I made it to the newspaper. Stepping inside, and noticing how empty it felt on the weekends. Not many people were working, but then again, all the religious folk that worked here were probably off preparing for church. I thought for a brief moment that maybe going to church was something I should consider doing; however, if I even plan on reconnecting with Sebastian, that wouldn’t be very wise. Considering I was already damned to hell for being intimate with a demon. Regardless of whether or not it was consensual. I made my way upstairs and to my desk that was still piled high with information that needed to be transcribed into articles. 

I grabbed my blank sheets of paper, my freshly cleaned quill pen and newly stocked ink as I opened the top file. Working on summarising and transcribing everything that would make a suitable article; at least to my standards. Despite knowing it would all be changed to how Mr Harridson wanted it. 

“Amara, what are you doing here so early?” Daisy asked as her voice filled with surprise. I noticed she had come down from Mr Harridson’s office, her hair a mess as I raised an eyebrow curiously. ‘That obviously isn’t suspicious’ I thought to myself as I tried to not look like I was noticing her appearance. 

“I wanted to work on the articles I was assigned, I should’ve informed you of that,” I replied apologetically as I tried to focus on writing. 

“Oh that’s no problem, carry on,” She said before making her way downstairs. I let out a sigh as I continued working on writing. Though I felt I was distracted. Not by her appearance, but because of the invitation I was given. 

A few hours went by, and I could see through the window the sun was shining brighter. Signifying it was later in the day. I had made it through almost all of the files, but only two remained. Assuming I could get to those tomorrow, knowing it wouldn’t be much longer before I was finished. I took the pile of finished articles over to the editing table. Dropping them into the pile of articles that needed to be reviewed and edited. I made my way out of the building, knowing I could leave whenever I pleased since I wasn’t even technically supposed to be on duty. I made my way down the path, as I made the long journey towards London. Wanting to visit the east end of London. Remembering there was a Funtom shop and a couple of dress emporiums that I had been wanting to visit for awhile.

Yet I must have been lost in my thoughts, as when I glanced up I noticed I was no longer on a recognisable path. Feeling my skin grow cold, as I felt on edge. I never liked getting lost, and whenever I would get lost I would go into a panic attack. Trying to calm myself, I turned to go back the way I came. However, since I wasn’t paying attention, I couldn’t tell which way I had come from. Since I was in the middle of a crossroads. An area I had not recognised at all, and I could sense I was nearing a bad part of London. As I could see in the distance there were buildings in disarray, and everything seemed to be overgrown in weeds and shrubbery. And I could see two people walking in the distance, and in the back of my head, I could sense they were someone I didn’t want to get involved with.

So I turned and decided to walk the opposite way of them. Hoping they were just walking the same path I was by coincidence.

However, I couldn’t stop myself from looking back over my shoulder. Feeling my skin grow cold once again as I saw how close they were. And it was two tall men who gave off an eerie vibe that made me want to run for my life. Though I didn’t want to assume they were going to try anything. Except, with how fast they appeared to be walking I knew I stood no chance against them. I silently prayed to whatever deity was out there to protect me, as I began to walk faster. Almost running at this point as I could hear their dishevelled voices and how raspy they sounded. Yet their words slurred like they were drunk. 

My only thought besides fear was, how could anyone drink so early in the day? Surely it had to be near noon; nonetheless, why would anyone choose to drink so early? When I looked back, I saw they were almost on top of me. And that was when I took off running. Not even bothering to look back at that point. Wanting to get as far away as I possibly could. I knew that if I started yelling, trying to get someone’s attention for help, surely help would come soon enough. Except, where I was running, it was a completely rural area. And there was nobody around to even hear me. As I began running down a steep hill, I tripped on my hanfu which sent me tumbling down the hill. 

As I landed on the bottom, the two men with dishevelled voices and appearances were right on top of me. But before they could get their hands on me, a dark shadowy figure flew across us. And whatever it was had sent them running, as I couldn’t move to get a decent glance at whatever the figure was. Assuming it was a giant bird or something that startled them. However, when I tried to pull myself off the ground I collapsed. Knowing now that the fall had injured me, weakening me to the point where I couldn’t get up. 

“Please relax, my dear,” that was the only thing I heard before everything went black. That wasn’t Sebastian’s voice, because I knew his. Oh, no, this voice belonged to another demon I hadn’t seen for a long time. The demon who caused everything. From brainwashing me, to getting me locked away because of his attempts at seducing me, and now he was back. And here I was being whisked away to wherever the hell he resided now. Yet I couldn’t do anything, as everything had gone black, and my body fell limp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me, demon, was it out of revenge to Xareth that you tried to seduce me?" - Anonymous


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If we're meant to be, and I'm meant to be with another, then why not just have fun and enjoy a good old fashion threesome?" - Anonymous

It was quiet when I woke up, and it was oddly dark when I opened my eyes. I could tell I was inside a bedroom, and it was a rather nicely put together room. When I remembered what happened before everything went back, I could feel the fear creeping up on me. “I see you’re awake.” Claude’s familiar, emotionless voice echoed in the room as he stepped into the room. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t wake at all.” He added, which startled me and made me more alert than previously.   
“What do you mean by that?” I ask in a cautious tone, trying not to show that I was feeling the highest feeling of fear possible. The last time I saw him, he had seduced me right before Sebastian found out. Locking me away against my will. So what would he be wanting to do with me, now? Surely he had to have moved on or something.   
  
“You’ve been asleep for three days,” he informed with what sounded like concern filling his voice. Which was eerie, as he didn’t show any emotion at all. It was rather unlike him. And what was even more concerning was why he all of a sudden returned. It was almost as if he was trying to steal me from Sebastian again. As if I was Sebastian’s, to begin with… or maybe I am his and that’s why I cannot simply get over him?   
“Three days?” I asked obviously even more startled, as I tried to wrap my head around everything that had happened these past few days. Not only that but the fact that Claude had made an appearance when I was in desperate need of help. Why him out of all people? Why couldn’t it have been Sebastian? At least he seemed to be coming around with some decency.   
“I, too, have been tied to a young master.” He admitted as he placed a golden tray onto the nightstand before moving to open the dark red curtains that hung on what I assumed was a rather large window. Given the size of the room, and the height of the curtains.   
“You’ve been in contact with Sebastian, then, I assume?” I ask raising an eyebrow. It wasn’t very much like them to communicate. The last time we tried to work something out on equal terms, it ended with me leaving Sebastian entirely. Because he couldn’t accept I seemed to be falling for another man or demon. Which honestly probably wasn’t even love I was feeling, but the feeling of lust.   
  
“I have, we have spoken quite often since you have left,” Claude answered as he moved back over to the side of the bed. “For a demon, I have never seen one so distraught.” He added as he poured what smelled like chamomile tea into a beautiful white and gold teacup.   
“From what you’re saying, it sounds like he was upset and heartbroken,” I commented in disbelief shaking my head as I shifted so I was sitting against the headboard of the bed. “That doesn’t sound like the Sebastian I knew,” I added with a small chuckle.   
  
“Apparently from what all that he had told me, it was the first time in centuries he felt emotions at all. Especially towards a human.” He explained, which somewhat matched up with what Sebastian was telling me. Wondering now if maybe I was being too hard on him. Although, I had every reason to be, right?   
“So he’s told you everything then,” I assumed with a scoff. Then again, there really weren’t many secrets between us. Claude knew just about everything before I got locked away, and after I was moved to the shrine, he started to visit me again. Claiming the shrine was a gift from him, and how he wanted me to be his queen. Which, of course, I didn’t believe all that much.   
“Not everything, but for some reason, he’d confide in me,” Claude answered shortly before handing me the cup of tea that smelled heavenly. Though, I was hesitant to take it from him. Unsure of whether he poisoned it or not. “I can assure you it isn’t poisoned.” He said as if he read my mind. I glanced at him with widened eyes, as I hesitantly took the cup from him.   
  
“So why did you bring me here?” I ask before taking a sip of tea. Using caution while drinking it, still not trusting that it wasn’t poisoned.   
“I wanted to speak to you without Sebastian being present,” he began to speak as he stood up straight. “If I had approached you while he was present, I’m sure he would have killed me right away.”   
“Surely you two must be on good terms if he confided in you,” I commented in disbelief as I took another sip of tea, assuming it wasn’t going to poison me. Otherwise, I surely would’ve been knocked out by now.   
“Not entirely,” he added shortly before he took in a deep breath. “However, there are some things I wanted to discuss with you privately now that you have returned to him.” He finished, and I could tell there was something off about his tone and expression. Despite his emotionless tendencies, I could sense when he was acting odd.   
  
“Listen, Claude, I know you probably still have high hopes that I’ll leave him and become your queen or whatever it is you wish of me,” I began to speak as I took in a deep breath that mirrored his. “But I can’t leave him again, I need to understand what happened to him after I left.” I continued to speak, while cautiously speaking hoping to not offend him. “I’m still not entirely sure where I fit in exactly, with this whole life.” As I finished speaking it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Like I had released some stress that had been sitting on me for so long, that I had no idea even existed.   
“That isn’t what I was implying; however, now that you mention it, there are some things that you might have noticed that changed about me,” Claude said which made me glance at him with an arched eyebrow.   
“Excuse me?” I asked in a ‘what-the-fuck-are-you-saying-you-little-shit’ tone.   
  
“Oh yes, apparently the underworld lost its previous king,” he began as if he was implying that he was going to become king, or he already was king of the underworld. Assuming he meant all of hell. “And I may or may not be next in line to take over,” he continued as he inched closer towards me.   
“Wha-what are you implying-?” I stuttered out, trying to inch myself away from him. Feeling myself grow cornered and scared.   
“I am simply implying that I am going to be the next king of hell,” he announced and everything inside of me felt like it was dying. “And I want you to be my queen,” he added which really caught me off guard.   
I shook my head not wanting to believe a word he was saying. “You can only become a king of hell if- if you’re a prince-” I couldn’t speak anymore, my head was beginning to grow clouded with thoughts that made my heart race. Feeling my nerves kick in, as I took in a deep breath.   
  
“Ah, it seems I forgot to mention that I was always a prince of hell, haven’t you ever noticed the colour of my eyes~?” His tone was changing, as it took on an edge. I noticed his usual golden eyes were glowing even brighter yellow. Not the usual fuschia colour I was used to seeing from Sebastian. “My, it is unusual for a prince to want a human as his queen~” he spoke ever so casually as if he were talking to a mate. I shook my head even more as I placed the cup of tea onto the nightstand.   
“I-I can’t become your queen, I’m not even a demon!” I replied, practically shouting loudly as I was growing overwhelmed and scared. “Surely you don’t expect me to drop everything?” I added as I could feel my heart racing in my throat. I knew that if I didn’t calm myself down, I would surely faint sooner or later.   
“I really don’t expect an answer, but I would love it if you would decide to be with me rather than Sebastian~” Claude spoke, his voice so casual and different than the emotionless tone he always had. “Please do rest up, I will return you to your home soon. I’m sure I will see you at the Phantomhive Halloween ball this Saturday, yes?”   
  
“If you are going to be there, I’m not sure I wish to attend.” I hissed as I glared at him.   
“Ah, how cruel you are. Surely you’re not acting out because of Sebastian, now are you~?” He asks his voice full of curiosity and wonder. Which caused me to groan. He was trying way too hard to be different, or he was truly changing himself, I didn’t even know what to think anymore with how different he was acting.   
“No it is not, you’re the reason why we’re in this mess,” I argued as I began to raise my voice once again.   
  
“Might I remind you, you were the one who chose to leave. It was neither my impact nor Sebastian’s.” He replied, his voice growing more sharper like it usually was. “Either way, we both have our own obsessions over you, and I’m sure you’d rather not anger a demon when he wants a taste of his future mate~” He stated before dismissing himself. Leaving me alone in the room. A pattern I noticed with him and Sebastian, they both enjoyed leaving me alone to my thoughts. As if my thoughts weren’t dangerous enough as is, with how much torture I had endured previously and after I had left. If Claude was attending this ball, perhaps I could have a chance to figure things out with the both of them? Oh, but what if it turns into a huge argument? That was the last thing I needed. And all I wanted right now was to leave this room. Another room I was kept away inside of. Though, I’m sure no one would mind if I explored...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Surely we all can get along just fine, right?" - Anonymous


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can't you see that he needs you more, now?" - Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***!!!ALL DREAMS ARE WRITTEN IN ITALICS!!!***

I stepped out of the bedroom quietly, determined to explore as much of this place as I could. Hopefully without getting caught, not knowing who the owner of this home was. I walked down the hallway fast but quietly, wondering if I could sneak outside for a bit, and find the back of the home. Wondering if they had a grand garden that was as beautifully put together as the interior. I have only seen one bedroom, and the hallways that were lined with beautiful decor and exquisite paintings that showed how rich and how extravagantly whoever lived here liked to live in his or her day to day life. And when I made it to the front entrance, the grand chandelier was beautiful. More extravagant than the Phantomhive manor, that was for sure.

“You must be Ms Wincheston,” a soft voice echoed from behind me. Nearly startling me as I almost lost my footing as I descended down the staircase. I turned to see a tall woman dressed in a maid uniform. Her hair was incredibly long and beautiful, something I could never aspire to achieve. 

“Yes, I am,” I confirmed as I was a bit put off by her beautiful appearance. “I’m sorry, I was just exploring,” I said apologetically as I avoided her gaze that was heavy on me. 

“Please don’t apologise,” she briefly said before a soft look appeared on her face. “I’ll show you to the garden if you would like.” She offered in a softened voice, her voice was kind yet intimidating in an odd way.

“Oh, I don’t want to pull you away from your duties,” I tried to deny her offer. Knowing she was most likely busy or something. I didn’t want to be a bother, and I’m sure now that I was on the ground floor, I would be able to find the garden in no time. 

“Please my lady, it is no harm.” She says reassuringly, before gesturing for me to follow her through the grand doors that were beneath the staircase that parted on both sides at the top. Still mesmerised by how beautiful it truly was. Now even more curious to see the exterior of this grand home. 

“What is your name, if you don’t mind my asking?” I asked politely as I tried to keep a nice conversation going, even if I felt odd and out of place. My hair was short and often unkempt. Hers was beautifully long and braided so neatly, it was almost like her hair was silk. 

“Please simply call me Hannah,” she replied and even her name was beautiful. At least hers was more common than mine was. Amara, what a name that got pointed out more than I would’ve appreciated. 

We continued making our way down the hall until we stopped at a grand set of doors that had large windows around it. And from what I caught a glimpse out the windows, this led to the back garden. She opened the doors before gesturing me to step outside. When I stepped out, my eyes widened and my jaw dropped at how grand and gorgeous it all was. “This is beautiful,” I complimented with awe in my voice. 

“The master will be pleased to hear that,” Hannah spoke softly. Almost like she was pleased to hear how much I adored the garden. “We take great care to make sure everything is beautiful and freshly grown.” She continued to speak as she stepped ahead of me. Gently picking a beautiful white rose, cutting off its thorns gently before handing it to me. 

“White roses? These aren’t very common,” I pointed out as I took it from her carefully. “My favourite flowers are bluebells and violets,” I admitted with a smile, as I moved about the garden. Noticing they had those growing in several places as well, which was surprising to me as I hadn’t seen them that often. 

“My master likes bluebells as well, we grow the majority of them here.” She comments as she directs me towards a wide section that was full of them. It almost felt like I was in a royal palace with how great everything was and how everything grew so perfectly. 

“These are so beautiful, thank you for showing me,” I said kindly as I glanced at her with a smile. “If you don’t mind, it is a rather beautiful day,” I began to speak as a wider smile appeared on my face. “Do you mind if I stay out here for a while?” I ask with hope filling my voice. 

“Of course, my lady, I will gather refreshments for you as well,” Hannah said before dismissing herself. Watching as she walked back into the manor. Which I caught a glimpse of, and holy fuck was the exterior massive! It was very much like a castle. Oh and now how terribly out of place I felt, standing in the middle of this garden. I felt like I needed to ask permission multiple times to even breathe the air around here.

I felt myself growing overwhelmed, so I moved over to a stone bench that was placed near a large bed of white and yellow roses. The combination of the two colours was beautifully coordinated. I closed my eyes as I laid flat on the bench, facing up towards the sky as I took in everything that had happened in such a short period of time. The sun that was warmer than it had been the previous days beamed down upon me. And shortly enough I fell asleep…

_ “Who are you, and why do you look like me?” I ask as I stared at the figure in front of me. She looked just like me, only she was wearing trousers and her hair was longer than mine. “I’m your future self, and I have a message for you.” The girl in front of me said. She even sounded just like me. I noticed she was a lot frailer and paler. Something about her made me feel off, yet comforted at the same time. “What could you possibly mean by that?” I had asked in confusion. “It means exactly what it sounds like,” the girl began to speak as she stepped closer. “You must talk to Sebastian, and learn that he regrets everything he ever did to you.”  _

_ “How could you possibly know that?” I had asked, as I continued to stare at her in disbelief. There was no possible way this girl was me, she was so skinny and extremely pale. Sure I may have always been pale, yet she was ghostly pale.  _

_ “Because he loves you, this is what will happen if you don’t go to him. Your time is running thin, Amara. Please believe me.” Then everything had gone completely black and silent. She had vanished out of thin air, and I was left in complete darkness. Confused and scared for my life. Was that my future self’s ghost? No, she looked like she had come from the future. Was I reborn into another life from the future? Or is she an alternate version of me…? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am you, but your future self. Xareth loves you, and wants to give you everything despite the restrictions of his demonic heart." - Anonymous


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How dare you show a lady disrespect, Srivaq? How dare you do that to me, when I told you not to?" - Anonymous

_ “I’m your future self, Amara.”  _

_ “I’m what you will be if you don’t listen to him.”  _

_ “He needs you more than you think he does, regardless of whether or not he is a demon.” _

“Ms Wincheston, please wake up.” Hannah’s voice called out as my eyes shot open. I guess I was still asleep, and for how long I was sleeping I was unsure. Yet I must’ve been out for a while because it was nearing sundown. “You fell asleep, I’ve been trying to wake you for hours.” She said with concern in her voice, which confused and concerned me as well. 

“I’m sorry, I must’ve been out of it,” I said apologetically, as I carefully sat up. Feeling groggy and gross like I slept for too long. 

“Forgive me, I wanted to make sure you were alright.” She commented as she moved to stand as she kneeled beside the bench. 

“Oh, no, don’t worry. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep so easily outside.” I answered as I shook my head. Luckily it wasn’t so warm anymore; however, I knew that I could’ve easily risked dying from heatstroke and dehydration. 

“Please allow me to assist you inside, and prepare you for dinner.” She requested in her soft and sweet voice that made her at least somewhat tolerable and likeable. “My master wishes for you to join him,” she informed as she looked a bit uncertain about something. Which of course was a bit off-putting; however, I simply paid no attention to it as I moved to stand up. 

“I assume he knows I’ve been staying here, then?” I ask brushing myself off as I tried to make myself look decent. 

“Yes, and he wishes to personally meet you. Since he hadn’t gotten the chance previously,” She informs as she ushers me inside once the sun was closer to setting. “I will prepare a warm bath for you,” she adds as she glances at me sweetly. “I sense you are at an uneasy time in your life, I’m sure it will help soothe you.” She finishes reassuringly as she moved ahead of me as we walked back inside.

“Nothing like running into the man who nearly destroyed your life, and now you have uncertainties about whether or not you’re still in love with them,” I commented quietly, trying not to push my troubles onto her. I barely knew her, and she was a stranger. I couldn’t do that to her, knowing what I was going through was none of her concern. She seemed so nice, and carefree. I didn’t want to ruin that with my issues. 

“I see, and do you believe within your heart that you still love them?” Hannah asks, sounding like she was genuinely interested in what I had to say. Which was surprising, yet oddly comforting. 

“Honestly, I have no idea anymore,” I replied taking in a deep breath. “I thought I loved them a long time ago,” I continued as I glanced at her with uncertainty and sorrow filling the expression on my face. “But they did something horrible that made me question my feelings, and now I’m having to face the same questions again.” I finished, hoping I wasn’t rambling at this point.

“It sounds to me that you still need reassurance from them,” she commented as she stopped walking. Turning to glance at me as she approached me. “If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to confide in me.” She said in a soft, reassuring voice as she smiled kindly towards me. 

“Thank you, but I don’t like to bother others with my problems,” I said with a small frown trying to hide the sorrow that was returning to my mind. “It’s just something I’m not used to,” I admitted with a small sigh. 

“Of course, but please don’t bottle your feelings in,” she began as a frown appeared on her face. And something in me told me she was truly being kind and genuine. “That’s when the real monster comes out of us.” She added before turning to continue walking down the hall. 

It was silent for the rest of the walk back upstairs. When we approached the bedroom I had been staying in, it was oddly quiet yet calming. “Please wait here while I prepare your bath for you,” she requested before disappearing into the bathroom quietly. I let out a sigh as I decided to explore the room a bit. Admiring its red and gold features that looked like this room was made for a—no, surely it wasn’t made up for me, for Claude to try and convince me to be his queen. Ah fuck, and now I’ll most likely have to see him again at dinner. I suppose it won’t be as bad to deal with, knowing I won’t be entirely alone with him. Unless, of course, he somehow pulls me off to the side. Which was something I was desperately hoping to avoid, knowing I didn’t even want to be seen with him right now. Another thing I had hoped was that the master of this mansion wasn’t ignorant. I wasn’t even in the mood to deal with anyone, really.

A knock erupted from the bedroom door, as I hesitated a moment. Unsure if whether or not I should get it. However, Hannah hadn’t emerged from the bathroom that was adjacent to where the bed was placed. I let out a sigh, as I moved towards the door, carefully opening it and speaking of the devil, it was Claude himself. What, does he appear whenever someone is just casually thinking about him or some bullshit like that? Then again, that wouldn’t be very surprising. “Forgive me for the intrusion; however, my master would like to have a word with Ms Hannah,” he informed as he stood tall and emotionless. 

“Of course, please let me go get her,” I said stepping away from the door as I moved into the bedroom. “Excuse me, Claude informed me that your master—or whatever is expecting you,” I said, which caught her attention as she stood up from the floor as I saw she was still preparing the bath for me. 

“Yes, of course, I will return shortly.” She said before excusing her politely and leaving the room. I let out a sigh, as I figured I’d take over for her. 

“Allow me, my lady,” Claude cut off my thoughts as he appeared beside me. I glanced at him like he was crazy. “Is something the matter, you seem startled~” He spoke with such casualty. 

“This is highly inappropriate,” I comment as I stepped back. Surely I wasn’t going to allow him to bathe me! 

“You’re surprisingly modest on me, all of a sudden,” he comments as I could hear the smirk on his face that was surely growing by now. “Has it truly been that long since you allowed a man to see you bare~?” He asked, and I could surely feel my blood boil beneath my skin. 

“That is not the type of question you just ask someone!” I shouted as I stared at him in disbelief. “How dare you act this way.” I barked as I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. 

“Forgive me, but it would be rude to allow our guest to bathe herself.” He said his tone changing once more, almost sounding apologetic. Oh great, more fake emotions? I scoffed as I continued to glare at him. 

“Fine, I suppose I could let you bathe me. But if you dare try anything, I swear to all the Deities out there I will have your head.” I said as I caved in lightly. Still not going to allow him to even dare touch me in any way I wouldn’t want. I surely was taking a major risk just by allowing him to bathe me. I should’ve just left and waited for Hannah to return. However, who knows how long that would be. I let out a sigh as I shut the bathroom door gently. 

“Would you care for some assistance in undressing, my lady?” He asks as he moved towards me slowly. 

“I can manage that myself, thank you,” I said as I turned away from him. Pulling at all the strings and ties on the dress as I loosened the outer layer of the dress I was wearing. Yet as I was beginning to loosen the corset, I could feel his hands on me. His own hands trying to pull at my undergarments, and that was absolutely not okay at all. 

“What the actual FUCK do you think you are doing?!” I screamed as I pushed him off me. “What the bloody fuck did I tell you not to do?!” I continued to yell as I stormed out of the bathroom. Rushing to pull my clothes back on as I slipped on whatever pair of shoes I could find. That was it, I had enough of this. I was leaving, and no matter if I got lost or if I fucking have to walk a week back home, I was doing it. I wasn’t going to allow him to touch me that way. EVER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He will save you from him." - Anonymous


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't let him fool you again, Amara." - Anonymous

I made it about five miles away from that mansion. There was no way I was going to let him get that close to me. Especially after I had specifically told him not to ever touch me like that. I could feel my legs trying to give out as I reached a small village. Hoping there was a nearby pub or some form of lodgings that I could stay in until I found a way back home. Or at least until I could get the energy I needed to continue my journey home.  
As I approached the village closer, I could see a small inn on the outskirts of it. Silently thanking all the deities out there as I approached it faster. Forcing my feet to continue walking as I opened the door to the inn. “Sorry miss, this inn’s fully booked.” The old woman at the front desk said in a raspy voice. I let out a groan as I nearly dropped to the floor.   
“Surely there isn’t some room available?” I ask, obviously showing how exhausted I was. My feet and legs felt like they could fall off at any moment.   
The old woman glanced at me more clearly before glancing down at what appeared to be a book of what I assumed were all the guests staying. “Well, I can fit you in room 103, just right down the hall there.” She says before coughing heavily. “You look exhausted,” she pointed out which caused me to groan even louder.   
  
“I’ve been walking for hours, thank you for finding lodgings for me,” I said gratefully as I watched her move from behind the desk.   
“Follow me, please,” she says as she walks down the hall. Following carefully close behind her as we came to room 103. It wasn’t the most extravagant inn; however, since I wasn’t staying for long, it surely would do. “I will have our chefs make you something to eat, you look frail my dear,” she said sweetly as she then moved down the hall towards what looked like a dining room. “Madeline, get this girl something to eat. She’s been walking and looks like she could collapse at any moment,”   
“Yes madam,” the girl with reddish hair said sweetly as she glanced at me with a smile before moving towards what seemed to be the kitchen area. I took a glance around the dining room, as I was seated by a large fireplace.   
  
“This should help warm you up, it’s quite chilly out tonight.” The older lady said as she grabbed a teacup filling it up with chamomile tea that was out in the mine dining area.  
“Thank you, you’re very kind seeing as I appeared on such short notice,” I said in an apologetic tone as I took a sip of the warm tea that she had poured into the cup.   
“I could see you’ve been walking a long way,” the older lady began to speak as she took a seat in front of me. “Forgive me for prying but, where exactly were you coming from?” She asked softly as if she was concerned about how I appeared. She was right from earlier, I did have a weak appearance.   
“I came from the mansion five miles down the road, I don’t know who lives there, but I don’t want any part of it,” I replied as I forced out a chuckle as I sat back against the chair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name,” I said realising I knew nothing about her.   
  
“Please, call me Francis,” she introduced herself kindly. “And the only mansion around here would be the home of the Trancy family.”   
“Earl Alois Trancy?” I ask raising an eyebrow slightly. I had heard of the Trancy family; however, I never got the chance to ever meet them. But their reputation wasn’t entirely good, or good at all, I should say. From what I heard, their son was kidnapped after his birth and his mother killed herself. That’s all I knew from the Trancy household.   
“Yes, how did you know?” She asked quite surprised that I had known who he was. I chuckled out as I sat up taking another sip of tea.   
“His reputation is pitiful,” I answered with another small chuckle as I recalled from the people I knew who have met him.   
“Ah yes, he is a brat. That I can confirm,” she says as she laughed as well. “I have to tend the front desk, please eat and get yourself warmed up.” She said before dismissing herself.   
  
I let out a sigh as I lifted up my skirt a bit, as I brought myself closer to the fireplace. I had forgotten how good it was to sit in front of a warm fire. The warmth of the fire etching onto my skin so perfectly and blissfully. It was oddly erotic in a sense. I chuckled at the thought, perhaps I have a fire fetish of some kind? “Excuse me, miss, the chef prepared this for you. It is a roasted chicken dinner with fresh mixed vegetables.” The girl from earlier, Madeline, said as she caught my attention. Placing a rather large dish of delicious smelling food in front of me.   
“Thank you, that was very kind of you,” I said with a smile as I glanced at her kindly.   
“It is our pleasure to serve you, miss,” she said before dismissing herself. Leaving me alone to eat.  
  
“No, Garold, you cannot throw her out on the street. She is a guest,” I heard Francis say from the front desk. I couldn’t see who she was talking to; however, I could sense she was growing frustrated with whomever she was talking to.   
“She cannot stay here, she is filthy and probably has no money.” A man’s voice replied, knowing they were most likely talking about me. I let out a sigh as I tried to ignore them, glancing down at my plate as I ate in silence. Still warming myself by the fire.   
“Are you finished eating, miss?” Madeline asked as she returned to the table once my plate was empty. I hadn’t even realised how much I had eaten at that time. I must have been hungrier than I thought.  
  
“Oh, yes, thank you, I was just about to head off to bed,” I replied as I moved to carefully stand.   
“Of course, do you know where your room is?” She asks kindly as she picks the dishes up from the table.   
“Yes, thank you,” I said before excusing myself from the dining hall as I made my way back to my room that I had been shown earlier. I stepped into the room as I shut the door behind me.   
I closed my eyes as I let out a heavy sigh, leaning against the door as I slid down until I was sitting on the floor with my knees pressed against my chest. Resting my head on my knees as I hugged them to me. I was exhausted, my legs and feet felt like they were going to fall off any time soon. Damn did I wish I was back at home, with my warm bed and warm fuzzy slippers. I could feel dread creeping up inside of me, as I so terribly wished I hadn’t wandered off. Or that I hadn’t reacted in the way I did. Maybe Claude wasn’t trying to do anything, maybe he just wanted to help. Yet I couldn’t risk him trying anything. I had to leave, I had to escape from him.   
  
I didn’t want to jeopardize what I had with Sebastian, even if what he and I had wasn’t there anymore. Except for that voice inside of me, that image of what supposedly was my future self kept saying that I needed to go to him. That I needed to see him and find out what exactly he wanted from me. Or if what he had said while at the old shrine was true. I couldn’t even fully understand what all of this meant. There was no way I would ever be able to understand all of this. Unless someone, somehow managed to write me a full-on novel about everything that had happened, and include an explanation for every single thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How dare you let him touch you again, you fool." - Anonymous


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You will be happier with him now. Enjoy the moment, and let it last a while longer." - Anonymous

_ “You know you love him as well,” my future self said. Now instead of being in the centre of a dark void, we were inside a living room. There were pieces of furniture that looked unfamiliar. Almost like it wasn’t from my time period.  _

_ “Who are you talking about?” I ask as I glanced at myself. It was odd seeing an alternate version of myself. Let alone be speaking to myself, yet she wasn’t even really me I don’t think?  _

_ “I’m talking about Claude; you love him just as much as you do Sebastian,” she said almost like she was concerned for me. “You know you can’t have both demons, Amara.” She added with disappointment underlying her voice.  _

_ “I don’t understand—why does it matter if I love them both?” I ask, not confirming that I loved Claude but, I wasn’t fully understanding what she meant. It was all too confusing for me to understand.  _

_ “What I’m talking about is that you need to choose who you want to be with,” she answered with a frown on her face. The sound of disappointment growing even more in her voice. “Even if you wanted to have both, you know they’d never get along.”  _

I opened my eyes as the dream abruptly ended. I noticed I wasn’t at the inn anymore, but I was in my bedroom at home. “What the hell?” I asked as I got up out of bed extremely confused. I glanced at my nightstand as I noticed a note gently placed on top. ‘Forgive me, but I felt that you were in distress, and that old inn is not fitting for a fine lady such as you. A carriage has been sent for you for this afternoon, please visit us at the Phantomhive manor. - S’ I held back a laugh as I shook my head. I pulled out one of the finer dresses I had taken from the old shrine. As I undressed from my clothing from the previous day, and into fresh undergarments and slipped on a dark burgundy coloured dress along with black shoes with a low heel. Not wanting to injure myself any more than I needed to. Considering that I never was brought up wearing heels. Haha, perks of growing up pretending to be a boy! Would not recommend at all. 

I decided to leave my hair loose and neatly brushed, considering I didn’t really need to force it into an updo, knowing it would be unnecessary. I was only going to the Phantomhive manor, and sure they might be nobles, but something tells me I wasn’t going to be meeting with Earl Ciel Phantomhive. At least for a long period of time. I let out a sigh as I made my way downstairs as I checked the time. It must have been a few hours since I started getting ready; which for me, was incredibly unusual. I preferred to be quick when getting ready, but then again maybe that was because I was usually late for work and needed to be out the door in less than thirty minutes. However, perhaps I took longer because I wanted to feel beautiful for once. 

I could hear a carriage pulling up outside as I grabbed my long black coat from the closet before proceeding outside. “Good afternoon, I am Bardroy I will be your tour guide to the Phantomhive manor.” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the way he spoke. 

“Forgive me, but, unusually, I meet someone as charismatic as you,” I said as I stepped towards the carriage. 

“It’s not a problem at all, it’s not every day I meet a beautiful lady such as yourself.” He answered obviously not offended that I unintentionally laughed at him. But his comment did make me blush wildly. I shook my head as I stepped into the carriage. And shortly we were off on the long journey towards the Phantomhive manor. 

I must have dozed off not too long after we had left, as when I opened my eyes we were pulling up to the Phantomhive manor. And my, I must have already forgotten how beautiful it was. The Trancy manor couldn’t compare to this in the slightest. Its stone architecture and the subtle blue accents in different places brought out the true beauty of it. The carriage slowly came to a full stop as I sat up straight, fixing little minor details that seemed to fall out of place as I waited to be escorted out of the carriage. 

“Welcome to the Phantomhive manor,” Bardroy said as he opened the carriage door. His hand reaching out for me to grab onto. 

“You must not have met me while I was here a while ago,” I commented with a small chuckle as I carefully stepped out of the carriage. “I interviewed Earl Ciel Phantomhive.” I briefly informed with a small smile. 

“Ah, do forgive me. It’s a shame I hadn’t gotten the chance to meet a fine lady like yourself,” Bardroy said before our attention was turned to someone clearing their throat. 

“That’s enough flirting with the guest, Bardroy,” Sebastian said, as he appeared out of thin air. 

“Right my apologies. I should be off now,” Bardroy spoke before he hopped back onto the carriage before pulling it off to the side, is what I assumed. 

“My apologies my lady if he made you uncomfortable,” Sebastian said once we were alone. 

“Oh, it’s alright. No harm is done.” I said reassuringly as I gave him a gentle smile. “Though I do have high suspicions as to why I was summoned here,” I added with an arched eyebrow. 

“The young lord has been whisked away with his fiancee for the time being,” he began as he had a soft expression on his face. “I thought it would make things easier for us to talk things through.” He explained before ushering us both inside. 

“I see, so the letter had no hidden intentions?” I asked in a slightly teasing tone. Not wanting to press anything accidentally. Even though with him, it was always left unpredictable. 

“Not unless you want it to, my lady~” he responded, and I could very much hear the teasing tone in his voice. 

“Oh, no, no, it’s just unlike you to not have any hidden meanings,” I replied suddenly feeling myself grow flushed. Noticing my speech was growing faster, which signified how flustered I suddenly became. 

We moved into the manor as we moved down a hallway, before stopping in a grand library that was beautifully and elegantly full of bookshelves full of what I hoped and assumed would be expensive books and hard to find first editions. “This is beautiful,” I complimented in awe as I moved further into the library. “Is this your way of trying to win a girl back?” I asking teasingly with a small chuckle. 

“Perhaps, but simply it’s the quietest spot in the whole manor,” Sebastian replied as he let out a small chuckle. I was surprised to see him so calm and acting so casual. It was rather unlike him to be this way. Perhaps this is what my future self was referencing? Has he really changed?

I moved to sit on one of the leather sofas in front of the fireplace. Sitting with my knees underneath me, so I could sit comfortably. Though, the corset I was wearing made it nearly impossible for me to slouch or even be remotely comfortable. “So, what really did you want to discuss?” I ask as I turned my attention towards him. Noticed he was slowly approaching me, though I could tell he was keeping some distance. Wondering silently if he was doing that out of respect, or he simply didn’t wish to be close to me. Not that I minded, despite wanting him to be a tad bit closer… maybe even closer than what many others would find appropriate. Oh, gotta love how cursed society truly is. 

“I want to know exactly where we stand,” he spoke up as he kept his distance. “I know Claude approached you, as he came to me after you left abruptly.” He further explained, slowly taking a step towards me. “He mentioned how uneasy you were.” He quickly added with a small frown on his face, though it was hard to tell if it truly was a frown or not. 

“Did he also inform you he touched me without my permission?” I asked trying not to get defensive. Wanting to keep a cool, levelheaded conversation that remained neutral. 

“No, he did not, remind me to have a word with him about that,” Sebastian answered his voice obviously showing through with a bit of anger. Yet I could tell he was also trying to keep calm. 

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not like I’ll be seeing him anytime soon,” I spoke up as I let out a small chuckle. 

“I still feel like he should know he crossed a line,” he said softly with concern filling his voice now instead of anger. “If you don’t wish to be touched, he should respect that.” He added before letting out a sigh. 

“It’s fine, Sebastian, please calm down,” I said as I then motioned for him to sit down next to me. “We’re finally alone, so let’s talk things through,” I said trying to change the subject, hopefully to something that would get his mind off of Claude Faustus’ mistake in touching me. The thought made me mentally cringe as I tried not to show it in my facial expression. 

“Of course, now, let’s start from when you first left.” He said, cutting straight to the chase. “I know why you left, and I have every right to apologise.” 

“You? Apologise? That’s unheard of.” I said fighting back a laugh, knowing that would only make the situation worse. 

“I am aware it is unlike me, however, I cannot pinpoint a time in centuries where I have felt apologetic over something,” he began to speak as he moved over towards the sofa slowly as if he was being cautious around me. As if he was afraid he would hurt me again. Though I knew deep down he didn’t want to. Nor did I feel like he would ever hurt me. “When you left, for the first time since I was human, I felt emotions.” he continued, and I could sense he was holding back from letting himself say what he really wanted to say. However, I remained silent until he was finished speaking. “I felt sorrow, anger, guilt, and a multitude of other emotions I have no recollection of anymore.” 

“Sebastian, what are you trying to say?” I cut in, as he was hardly making any sense. 

“What I’m trying to say is, I regret how I treated you.” He answered, and I could see the truth in his eyes as he moved closer towards me. Almost closing the gap between us that remained open. “I may be a demon, and that may be in my nature,” he began to speak ever so softly. “But that is not who I am anymore.” He said in a reassuring tone, and his voice was so soft. Almost like he wanted to break down and cry, but being a demon I could feel that he wasn’t able to. He wasn’t able to show any emotion that resulted in tears. Though I highly doubt he could ever fully come to tears. Perhaps if something truly devastating happened to him; except, I doubt anything like that would ever happen. I couldn’t see anything making him break down to tears. He was a demon, built for terror and destruction. 

Yet here he was, acting like a human, a creature known to be even lesser than demons. I didn’t even know what to make out of this. It was all slowly becoming too much for me once again, yet here we were. Finally talking it out, and getting to the bottom of things. “Sebastian, you know I won’t ever be the same after all that you’ve done to me,” I began to speak. Now was my chance to say how I really felt. How I really felt about everything he had done to me. “You took my future and shredded it apart. Sure I might have been doomed to take over a family business I wanted no part of, but you still ruined any possible future for me.” I continued, feeling the air grow tense. I closed my eyes as I leaned in closer to him. “But I can’t fault you for everything. You are a demon, that was all you knew.” I finished speaking as I opened my eyes. Feeling tears threatening to spill. 

“You are right, I did rip away your future,” he replied as he leaned away for a moment. Watching as he took in a deep breath. “But you are also right, I am a demon. For centuries upon centuries, destruction and terrorism upon humans were all I knew.” 

“And that’s okay, people might call me stupid for coming back to you, but what we have or had, isn’t like what most people have,” I spoke, surprised I got any words out as I felt that I was on the brink of tears. “I couldn’t give up on you, even when I left. I felt empty, and I felt like something was missing.” I cried as I closed my eyes, feeling tears spilling from my eyes. 

“My dear Amara, it is unlike a human to fall in love with a demon,” he said while taking in another deep breath as I felt him wrap his arms around me gently. “But it is unlike a demon to fall in love with a human.” He added softly as he held onto me tightly. “And I want you to know that with every bit of my cold, blackened heart, I regret everything I’ve done to you.” 

“Then show me,” I asked as I opened my eyes slowly. 

“Are you sure?” He asked with uncertainty, “I vowed to never touch you again, in fear I would hurt you.” 

“Sebastian, I don’t care, I just need you,” I spoke with clear confidence through the tears that fell from my eyes. 

“Very well then, my dear Amara.” He said before he gently picked me up into his arms, as he carried me out of the library. Leading me to what I assumed would be the guest bedrooms. And here I was giving myself to the same man who tormented me. Silently hoping I wasn’t making a big mistake, and I knew that if I was making a mistake, I was damned either way. And now, was my chance to take that risk. I had to just take it, and run with it. Otherwise, I would never know what the future had in store for me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He is finally yours now, let him show you how much he can make you happy." - Anonymous


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission

_ Standing in the middle of a forest, a young girl so beautiful stood in the centre of the dirt-covered pathway that broke off into two separate paths. One path was overgrown, while the other was clearly maintained in a much better fashion. Yet the way she stood in the centre, was as if she didn’t know which path to take. One side of her wanted to take the path on the right, that was more overgrown and appeared to be littered with spider webs out in the distance. Yet the path on the left was clear, and something was telling her to follow the cleared path. Small lanterns lighting its path, making the journey through it much safer.  _

_ Yet she wanted to take both paths. Wanting to have a way for the two to connect, and find out what awaited her at the end of each path. She closed her eyes, as she approached the left path; taking in a deep breath as she began to walk down it. Yet the further down she walked, the more twisted it got. Vines growing uncontrollably, as trees lay on the ground blocking her path. The bright sky that barely made its way through the trees that covered the path high above grew dimmer. Leaving only the small lanterns that lit the path that now was growing untamed and unsafe to walk through. Yet she wondered if she should return to the original path she had walked down—or if she should continue on ahead. Climbing over fallen trees, and vines that made the ground nearly impossible to walk on without risk of falling.  _

_ She pressed on forward, determined to discover what remained at the end of the path. Yet her predictions were true; the path grew even more difficult to navigate. Having to watch everywhere she stepped. Not wanting to trip over any roots from the trees that have fallen or trip over any vines that grew uncontrollably. But something told her to continue on, as she felt like there was something else telling her she was near the end. And when she got to the centre of the path, she could see similar pathways that branched off. Now the previous path from before returned, yet the only thing preventing her from venturing forward was the large spider web that sat right at the beginning of the path.  _

_ While the path she was already on remained unkempt and dangerous. Noticing more fallen trees in the distance, yet she could see a large clearing at the end of it. Whereas the path with the spider web appeared to go off into a cave. She wanted to continue on with the path she was already on; however, now she wanted to see what the other path had planned for her. Or if she was just simply walking aimlessly and for no good reason, other than to fulfil the strong curiosity that blossomed inside of her so strongly.  _

_ Before she could make her choice, however, everything around her went cold. When she moved to look back at the path she had come from, she couldn’t see the lanterns anymore. It was just a large stone wall as if she was blocked off from running back. Though she wondered why, and how there was a stone wall all of a sudden. She couldn’t figure out a possible explanation, other than she needed to make a choice. Left or right.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission Intermission


	13. Chapter 13

“Are you certain this is what you want?” Sebastian asks softly as we stepped into a grand bedroom. With white walls with blue and soft purple accents. It felt almost like a room made for a queen, or something.   
“Yes, I know what my heart desires,” I answered as I glanced up at him with reassurance. “I’m willing to try again because that is what I desire most,” I added with a smile as I felt myself begin to grow less stressed. He slowly approached me, as he pulled me closer to him.   
“I vowed once, and I will vow it again,” he began to speak as he held onto me tightly. “I will never hurt you again, and if I ever do, I deserve nothing but to be put straight to death.” He spoke ever so seriously, yet so calmly. “I am not one to break my vows, I swear to it.”   
  
I glanced up at him in awe. “Sebastian, don’t be so hard on yourself,” I said calmly yet sorrowfully. I could sense he had put himself through so much. He had gone through so much it had seemed, that brought him to this point. “I trust with everything in my heart that you wouldn’t do that again,” I continued to speak as I brought a hand gently up to his face. Placing it softly on his cheek, as I looked at him with soft reassurance. “I wouldn’t be giving myself to you if I never trusted you.”   
“Yet you cover your skin, I know the harm I caused you without even seeing your bare skin,” He replied, as guilt began to cloud the look on his face. I felt my breath stop, as I couldn’t think of a word to say. “I never wish to make you feel ashamed of yourself.”   
“And you won’t, because I trust you enough.” I choked out, as I placed my head on his chest gently. “I know you are a demon, but that won’t stop me from believing you’ve changed for the better.”   
“How can you love a demon such as I?” Sebastian’s voice was quieter than before. Causing me to wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly against me. “Especially when I’ve ruined your future, by locking you away and mercilessly abused you. Causing you to run from me,” he continued to speak as more guilt and sorrow clouded his voice. “How can you stand to be at my side, knowing all the things I’ve done?”   
  
“Because I realise now that you’re a demon, that’s in your nature,” I answered truthfully, then taking in a deep breath. “Sure I might not ever be the same, and it might take longer for me to heal entirely but…” I hesitated before letting out a small sob. “I can’t let you go, it hurt so much the first few months. You don’t even want to know the things I’ve done just to distract myself.”   
“What are you implying, my dear?” He asks ever so softly. Almost like he was afraid to ask. I hesitated for a long while, not even sure if I wanted to tell him.   
“For a short while, I was known as a prostitute,” I admitted shortly, not even wanting to remember that short period in my life that would forever be tied with me. “It was the only way I could distract myself.”   
  
“My dear…” he said with a gasp, that made me wish I could just vanish into thin air.   
“I know, I’m stupid and now you probably want nothing to do with me,” I began to ramble out. My words were almost inaudible as I began to sob heavily. My legs giving out as I lost my grip on him, collapsing onto the floor. “I’m worth nothing of any kindness, or any remorse, or anything positive.”  
“You’re wrong about that,” he began as he knelt down onto the ground. His arms enclosing around me once more. “You’re worthy of all those things, it is I who is not worthy of positivity.”   
“How can you stand to be near me? After what I just confessed to you?” I sobbed heavily as I couldn’t bear to look at him. I was afraid to see that he would change into the monster he was before.   
“Because that is all in the past, and I want to help you forget all those things. Even if it’s just for the moment,” he replied as he gently grabbed hold of my chin. My eyes opening as I made eye contact with his beautiful crimson red eyes. “Please allow me to show you how much I care for you, and how much I regret everything I’ve done to you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls of all ages! It has been such a very long time since I have written to you all. And oh my dear friends, I have missed you all so very much. This is a fanfiction I've been rewriting time, and time, and TIME again... and I just haven't figured out how to write it. 
> 
> Now let me get one thing clear. Yes, I know, there are references to two fanfictions, but that's because this fanfiction is slightly based off of them. But not entirely. The two had ideas I wanted to combine and see what I can play around with. 
> 
> Have a great evening everyone!


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